Annoyed

okay so lets talk about these half assed dudes
pants saggin
weed smokin
no job workin
i wanna be with you
you make me nervous
but yet i ignore you
give you second best
DUDES
ladies..
why do we make it so easy
for them to come back
chat us up
text sweet things
blush
dreams
blush again
sigh
i cant even blame him
i gave him that power
long time back
from a "you liked my post"
to a"you make me nervous"
it was all a game
all a joke from the start
and i became ur number 1 player
not opponent
a piece in ur game of lies
webs of deceit
sex sex sex 
is what you wanted 
and though we know it
we wanna believe we're different
the prettiest
got swag
most entertaining
when the fact of the matter is
we know deep down
from jump
what it really is
so who am i annoyed at again
cause i tip my hat to you DUDES
smh

what are you thinking

alarms goes off
7:30
ugh already?
i went to sleep 2 hrs ago
stumbling into the bathroom
glancing at my reflection
i see a haggard version of her
the person i used to know
that had it all together
to come to...
but i digress
showering takes a second
and dressing even less
and here my day begins
slow
painful
like drudged mud
work is a blur
going home too
getting to my bed
my head hitting the pillow
my first real thoughts of the day
where are you
are you safe
did you die
are you missing me 
as much as i...
but i cant bring myself to think it
the separation spears at my soul
until i exist no more
nothing but my faint heart
my excruciating hurt
and my one last thought
are you thinking of me

Confused

how are you supposed to feel when all you know is comfort
you never, for one second had to...
fend for yourself?
survive on your own love..
sounds stupid
but its the scariest thing to encounter
so what advice would you give to a girl like myself
pretend?
love?
survive?
cry?
hurt?
suffer?
because i am doing that
over and over
to get what result
a feeling of emptiness
dark hole gaping
never to be filled
never to be tampered with
why?
cause i lost my chance
and to tell you the truth
i don't want it back
i think?
Confused